MICROSOFT

 

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an
electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic
navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze
the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the
airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew
a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign
said "WHERE AM I ?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU
ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and
determine the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and
landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the
"YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The
pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building
because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless
answer."

The Waste Wasted Land. T's arris

 

 

 

 

Ever read T S Eliot's The Waste Land? Course you have, it's mandatory reading, for all would be literary students. Have you ever understood it ? I've long maintained the theory that it is thus called, because Eliot was wasted when he wrote it. There's an entire website devoted to trying to understand the Wasteland, it was written in 1922, that's that’s almost 100 years. For god's sake give it up. There are two types of people in this world, one's like me who have no idea what Eliot was on about, and those who lie about it. I have it on good authority that Eliot later became a script writer for Abbott and Costello, and penned the line from Who's on First, “I don't even know what I’m talking about”. If you find someone who claims to understand the Wastland, find out what they're on. I want some.

I had a book of poetry when I was a kid, there was one that went, “I wandered lonely as a cloud”, what was he on? Lonely as a cloud,,, news flash Mr Wordsworth, that's up to a 20,000 foot drop, it's going to hurt even if it was into “a host of golden daffodils”, daffodils my arse, I reckon they wuz poppies myself.

We do know that it was a different cloud to the one Mick Jagger was on, or he would have been told to “Get Off” now Mick could probably have stayed up there with what he was on, and just to prove it Keith Richards is still up there. Sadly Keith actually passed away in the seventies, but was, and remains so “Stoned” that he hasn't realised it yet.

What about Shakespeare, a literary terrorist if ever there was one. Best line he ever came up with “Let's kill all the lawyers” (we should have taken him up on that one). Do they stick him in jail for inciting violence, do they hell, no they make some kinda literary god out of him. So now he can continue to terrorise school kids and students for hundreds of years to come, and still continues to this day! Much Ado About Nothing? Spare me the bleedin' obvious.